25 April 2015

Requiem for Compassion




A Translation from a beautiful Brahms Motet entitled  
Warum ist Licht gegeben (Why Is Light Given):

Why has light been given to the weary of soul,
And life to the troubled hearts? Why?
They who wait for death, and it doesn’t come;
They who dig for it even out of secret places;
Those who almost rejoice and are happy
That they achieve the grave. Why?
And to the man whose way is hidden,
And from whom God himself has been concealed?
Why?
Let us lift up our hearts, together with our hands, to God in heaven.
Behold, we value them as blessed who have endured.
You have heard of the patience of Job,
And the Lord’s conclusion you have seen:
For the Lord is merciful and has compassion!

About two months ago I went to San Francisco. During the visit, I got to see my mom, which was an enormously cathartic experience. I also got to hear an incredible concert put on by the San Francisco Symphony. The program began with some of Brahms' organ preludes and concluded with his requiem. In the middle of the preludes and requiem was his Motet Op. 74, No. 1. I sat there in Davies Symphony Hall feeling instantly alone as the choir first uttered the German word for Why (Warum). I felt cold and held back tears obsessing over the sound of that one word.

Why?

It has been more than a year since my last blog entry. In that time, I have finished grad school, returned to Michigan, begun teaching music and performing it. I'm living the dream that I set into action many years ago. My everyday life, I'm grateful to say, is one where I wake up with freedom to do what I please, enlighten young minds, and make beautiful music. I live.

While I live with the most clarity I've ever had in my life, the world surrounding me devolves into a blurrier place each day.

Warum?

When I hear the first line of Brahm's motet, I think of this country. Our country. It's the iteration of why over and over again that really grips me. At first, and deceptively, Warum sounds bright and promising and wonderful and of great dreams to come. I think of the American Dream. My dream. I think of the life I live everyday. All that is good and possible. But always, the chords that sound afterwords fill me with a deep grief, as Brahms asks, Why again. Perhaps it's the bad that I choose to see where it concerns our country.

Still, I cannot stop asking why to the things I see happening.

Where it concerns race, many Americans are at odds with one another. No doubt it is because of our shared difficulties to navigate our differences. Yet what I continue to wonder is why we rush to judgment and point fingers rather than asking productive questions and extending understanding. If everyone is standing on moral high grounds, are we not again staring each other in the face as equals?

No one is listening.


Why?


There are severe problems in moving forward as a country when laypeople and political pundits alike respond to black deaths by police officers with "what about black on black crime?" I've been asked this questions by countless friends and peers initially wanting to respond, "What about it?" Usually I am more constructive and today I'll stick with that avenue of responding.

Most murders of White Americans (83% of them in 2013) are committed by other White Americans. Black on Black murders surpass our White counterparts' crimes by 7%. To me, I see that murder is an issue, and narrowly a racial one. Equating the deaths committed amongst a category of civilians to deaths between law enforcements and civilians is wrong and disingenuous. Police officers are charged with the responsibility of making split second decisions in order to protect people. It is a hard responsibility, yes. But it is not a handicap. It is simple: for those who have the honor of upholding the law, the standard is higher, as it should be.

I want to be completely open. Mistrust, in my experience, is a legitimate feeling; myself, my family members, friends, and mentors have all experienced varying degrees of foolishness that have caused us to mistrust agents of the law.

Still, us Black Americans are no less responsible for removing productive element of understanding from what could otherwise be a meaningful dialogue. 

There are severe problems in moving forward as a country when Black communities rely on their own versions of rules and regulations to govern themselves. The silence on crime that is rampant in Black communities across this nation is a deafening one. Where has our blindness, deafness, and willful ignorance gotten us? Our children's bodies lie still in premature graves. We fear the places we should feel the safest as we live in the de facto prisons of our homes and neighborhoods. Our silence, and in many cases misplaced priorities, have afforded us nothing but destruction. And moreover, we have been insulated at times from the compassion and protection that the law is meant to show us, as a result of what our culture typifies to others, whether fairly or not.



Let us lift up our hearts together...

 
Can we all acknowledge our ignorance (willful or unintended) and release our collective pride? Let us lift up our hearts together, rather not to ask why but to ask how. How can we heal together and understand one another? We do not have to be seduced into extreme narratives concerning each other and our differences in vocation, in class, nor in race.


For we have here no continuing city,
but we seek the future.


I don't speak German. Were it not for the translations, the text in Brahms' motet were words I would not have otherwise truly understood. It was the sound and spirit of those words, however, to which I was initially listening. That human utterance gave meaning to a word that apart from that performance would have been vague and possibly meaningless. But I listened. I listened first even though I did not understand.

Are you listening?

10 February 2014

New Year, New Look... Sorta.


Overhauled my website. Just recorded a new (vocal) cover from Adele's first album; the track is Hometown Glory. I have another recital in March... more tuba to come.

31 January 2014

The Met Man, Vans, and Tuba

Got to play with Dr. Denson Paul Pollard (Bass/Tenor Trombonist of The Metropolitan Opera) last week. It was pretty bad ass. My new Vans look pretty good too. Love those shoes. 

17 January 2014

Disconnect

Just about everyone in the Free World interacts with the internet in some way. It's a normal condition to be available to a slew of acquaintances, friends, and even strangers at the touch of your cell phone. I watched Disconnect (2012), thinking this would be a mediocre survey of the situations our connections with one another brings us. The surprise was not pleasant. Rather, it was a deeply relevant and honest side of the truth about our relationships, both in real life and in cyber space.

The three story lines weave in and out of each other to highlight the dealings with social media, grief, identity theft, marital and familial relationships, and lots of secrets. Paula Patton and Alexander Skarsgard play a troubled married couple trying to cope with death. Jason Bateman is a lawyer, husband, and father of two high school children; a family living the 21st century American Dream. The other story line takes place between a newswoman and a young guy in the internet sex industry.

Visually, I found the movie very interesting because of the muted colors used in the wardrobes and camera filters. It showed how often we can physically be somewhere but not really be present. The soundtrack was always brooding with angst, anxiety, and loneliness. At the start of the movie, I felt like I was falling and that feeling never went away.

This isn't one of those thrillers where you're trying to string dots together. Instead, you see inevitable misfortunes coming that cut deep, in spite of the foresight. It is a powerful movie.

04 January 2014

Story Time: A Wild Wolverine Runs into A Bunch of Poisonous Nuts on the Beach


I'm in Miami Beach, it's after 1AM, and I'm starving after a very long and satisfying Orange Bowl. Honestly, I wanted a smoothie. But there was no one making stuff like that so late, which was weird as it was Friday. Bars and small food joints are open til 4 in the morning. I decided to take a quick walk from the hotel to find some eats. There was one Cuban sandwich place that I remembered was good from the last time I was here or there was Burger King. For some strange reason, I liked the idea of Burger King: they sell beer and they're open 24 hours! Heaven, at least until you have to reconcile your decision to eat crap with a very angry stomach the next day.


It didn't look very crowded inside, as I approached the Burger King door. I see an alarming amount (two guys) in red and white athletic gear. And having just come from the Orange Bowl where I got "Go Blue(d)" at, cursed at, and "you're a brave guy to be wearing that shirt," I was a little on edge. Oh, but that's a Yale dri-fit shirt. Why Yale? Whatever. Not a Buckeye fan. Not a big deal. Don't get me wrong, I can take jeering and I can give it back. But I was tired and I wanted to eat. So this was especially welcome relief.

While I'm waiting, must have been for less than a minute, the far door to my right is overflowing with OSU fans. And they were headed my way to meet up with their lone Yale and OSU fans. Okay, so I'm awake now. Here we go, I'm thinking.

OSU guy: "Are you alone?"
Me: Excuse me? Me?
OSU guy: "Yeah, are you by yourself?"
Me: "Yeah..."
OSU guy: "Oh yeah, go ahead."

I'm thinking okay, how nice. He's letting me cut in line, since there are a good 15 of them that have to order.






Me: "Oh okay. Thanks." Pause... "Wait, what? You mean order?"
OSU Lady: "Yeah. Just do it. It's fine...." Then some other words about how terrible the game was and (joking) how this is a once in a lifetime to get free Burger King from your enemy or something.
Me: "Oh, I thought you just meant I could go ahead of you in line."
OSU Guy: No it's fine. Get whatever you want."
Me: "You sure?"
OSU Guy: "Yeah. Get what you want. What do you want?"
Me: pause. "I'll have a whopper..."

After all of that, these guys start chatting me up and vice versa. The guy and his daughters, wife, friends, all their daughters' boyfriends... all these people were with him. I'm asking where they're from (some Ohio, some Tennessee), they're asking me what I do, where I live, etc. Turns out it was one of these girls' 21st birthday. I hugged her(?). I hugged her. Told her she "might have to take a shower after she touched me," since we're mortal enemies and all.

Having traveled with the football team as a Michigan cheerleader, tailgated near opponents as a Michigan student, gone to other schools to visit friends, blah blah blah... These were some (dare I say) really cool people. Nicest fans I've ever come into contact with. Notre Dame fans were the worst rival experience I've had to date (different story but it involves beer cans, being mooned, cursed at, and four year olds). I don't hate ("THE") Ohio State any less. But I do have a much larger respect for their fan base (who dominated the Clemson fans at Sun Life stadium). I previously perceived OSU fans as being a bunch of Walmart fans, frankly. I've been proven wrong to a large degree. I know that every school has asshole fans, even my own. But when you have an archrival, it's like a socially encouraged permission to be a bigot. One learns to hate sports teams/fans on principal and ask questions later. "Are you here by yourself?" was one of the best questions someone has ever asked me.

23 December 2013

Merry Christmas Music Wishes

Hoping to listen to a lot of (non-study-or-academic-related) music in the next two months. I've already found some artists I'm really fascinated with but hoping to dig into even more of them.

Everything Miike Snow
Hooked. Plus I need some new electronic blood in my life. I definitely wore out the last Daft Punk album.

Everything Lianne La Havas 
Again, totally hooked.

Arctic Monkeys' latest album
I've heard two songs; one from early work, the other more recent. They're really interesting.

Beyonce's new album 
I need to figure out what all this fuss is about.

Godspeed You! Black Emperor
I've listened to them while studying for exams. But haven't paid much attention to what's going on.

Lady Gaga Artpop 
I mean c'mon. Applause is pretty weird and cool. The rest of the album has to be worth at least one go around. I know. I'm late to the party

A Great Big World 
Say Something gets some serious eye moisture going for me every single time I hear it. Gotta see what these two dudes are about.

Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, Have a Prosperous New Year!


30 October 2013

Girl from The Sun

It started with "Summertime Sadness." I didn't know it was a remix but I didn't care. Those lyrics and that voice; I was hooked. Lana del Rey is bringing originality to mainstream music. I love my repetitive, dirty, stupid pop music. But that stuff is like the process food of mainstream music.

Born to Die, del Rey's latest album, is good from beginning to end. Her words are like well-balanced IPA beer. It's got a hoppy bite;  raw, fresh, and a taste you can't easily get out of your mouth - nor would you want to. It is description, storytelling, and straight up wordsmithing the hell out of the English language:

My old man is a tough man. 
But he got a soul as sweet as blood red jam
And he shows me he knows me, every inch of my tar black soul 

Sweet lord, yes.

Her lyrics also remind me of some of rap's better artists. The expletives and seedy situations that feel essential rather than glib and authentic rather than contrived. Musically, she has a mix of classic rap too. Think dirty trash can drum sounds like Beastie Boys and Run DMC. And then there is an unmistakeable sound of The Western Frontier. The music of Aaron Copland would have you imagining Montana and the Dakotas... Expansive skies, rolling plains, mountains. Born to Die is deserted and reverberant. It emotes loneliness, deep, rusty colors, and long shadows of shanty towns at dusk. It's beautiful.

Lana del Rey's voice is my favorite aspect of her music. And, even though it is unique, it is reminiscent of one of my favorite singers of all time: Karen Carpenter. Lana has a chest voice that, when I close my eyes, sounds just like Carpenter. The way they slide to different notes, the way they pronounce words, the timbre too. The semblance is at times chilling. Just listen to the first five words of the album's first song also called "Born to Die." If you can't hear it, you might be crazy. Also listen to "Off to the Races" and "Video Games."

Besides her ghostly offerings, she invokes many other vocal styles: Gwen Stefani, wiry-voiced cabaret singers. And there's even something secretive and devious in a voice del Rey uses often on the album that reminds me of Marilyn Monroe singing "I Wanna Be Loved By You."

The girl has pipes and she's got the style to know how to use them.

Listen. Now.