Story Time: A Wild Wolverine Runs into A Bunch of Poisonous Nuts on the Beach

I'm in Miami Beach, it's after 1AM, and I'm starving after a very long and satisfying Orange Bowl. Honestly, I wanted a smoothie. But there was no one making stuff like that so late, which was weird as it was Friday. Bars and small food joints are open til 4 in the morning. I decided to take a quick walk from the hotel to find some eats. There was one Cuban sandwich place that I remembered was good from the last time I was here or there was Burger King. For some strange reason, I liked the idea of Burger King: they sell beer and they're open 24 hours! Heaven, at least until you have to reconcile your decision to eat crap with a very angry stomach the next day.

It didn't look very crowded inside, as I approached the Burger King door. I see an alarming amount (two guys) in red and white athletic gear. And having just come from the Orange Bowl where I got "Go Blue(d)" at, cursed at, and "you're a brave guy to be wearing that shirt," I was a little on edge. Oh, but that's a Yale dri-fit shirt. Why Yale? Whatever. Not a Buckeye fan. Not a big deal. Don't get me wrong, I can take jeering and I can give it back. But I was tired and I wanted to eat. So this was especially welcome relief.

While I'm waiting, must have been for less than a minute, the far door to my right is overflowing with OSU fans. And they were headed my way to meet up with their lone Yale and OSU fans. Okay, so I'm awake now. Here we go, I'm thinking.

OSU guy: "Are you alone?"
Me: Excuse me? Me?
OSU guy: "Yeah, are you by yourself?"
Me: "Yeah..."
OSU guy: "Oh yeah, go ahead."

I'm thinking okay, how nice. He's letting me cut in line, since there are a good 15 of them that have to order.






Me: "Oh okay. Thanks." Pause... "Wait, what? You mean order?"
OSU Lady: "Yeah. Just do it. It's fine...." Then some other words about how terrible the game was and (joking) how this is a once in a lifetime to get free Burger King from your enemy or something.
Me: "Oh, I thought you just meant I could go ahead of you in line."
OSU Guy: No it's fine. Get whatever you want."
Me: "You sure?"
OSU Guy: "Yeah. Get what you want. What do you want?"
Me: pause. "I'll have a whopper..."

After all of that, these guys start chatting me up and vice versa. The guy and his daughters, wife, friends, all their daughters' boyfriends... all these people were with him. I'm asking where they're from (some Ohio, some Tennessee), they're asking me what I do, where I live, etc. Turns out it was one of these girls' 21st birthday. I hugged her(?). I hugged her. Told her she "might have to take a shower after she touched me," since we're mortal enemies and all.

Having traveled with the football team as a Michigan cheerleader, tailgated near opponents as a Michigan student, gone to other schools to visit friends, blah blah blah... These were some (dare I say) really cool people. Nicest fans I've ever come into contact with. Notre Dame fans were the worst rival experience I've had to date (different story but it involves beer cans, being mooned, cursed at, and four year olds). I don't hate ("THE") Ohio State any less. But I do have a much larger respect for their fan base (who dominated the Clemson fans at Sun Life stadium). I previously perceived OSU fans as being a bunch of Walmart fans, frankly. I've been proven wrong to a large degree. I know that every school has asshole fans, even my own. But when you have an archrival, it's like a socially encouraged permission to be a bigot. One learns to hate sports teams/fans on principal and ask questions later. "Are you here by yourself?" was one of the best questions someone has ever asked me.