Winning

Charlie Sheen, albeit aggressively insane, taught me a valuable lesson: Make the most of your circumstances.

It's a lesson that I'm taught constantly, but never truly learn. That is to say, my life has been full of undesirable circumstances, even tragic ones, at which points I ended up succeeding when it was all over. Yet I found myself in a new environment (University of Arkansas) with a lot of time on my hands and a lot of dissatisfaction, with the exception of my tuba professor. I didn't have any self pity but I wasn't doing much to be happy either.

This is where Mr. Sheen comes in:

He had a widely publicized drug problem, drinking problem, woman problem. He lost his job on Two and a Half Men*. He had a lot of problems. In spite of a ton of morally objectionable behavior and a rapidly declining career, he got it all back. He got a new tv show, signed commercial contracts with car makers that highlighted his bad-boy-party-hard persona. He took all of his infamy and turned it into something that worked for him. Now, he's laughing all the way to bank.

Of course, my situation was not nearly as dire as his. However, I felt like I was in hell. The way I got out was to find exciting musical things happening outside of school life (getting back home to Michigan helped too). I found two tuba competitions to compete in, I started a website, and I started arranging music. I have no idea how any of these things will play out. How they turn out is not even the point, though a couple grand in competition money would be nice. The point is that in a short amount of time I went from not much going on in my life to a good amount of things going on in it; things I am actually excited about. If I'm not excited about what I'm doing, no one else will be. No one likes a self-deprecating artist fishing for compliments and confidence in other people who don't even care about them that much. It's an ugly and easy trap to succumb to. But it's reality, especially in music. I don't want to be one of those people.

When it all comes down to it, I'm winning.

I'll put myself out into the music world and probably get rejected a ton. The bright side is my chances are greater than when I was doing nothing (i.e. practicing, going home, doing "homework," and sleeping, repeat). No job or competition will win itself on my couch, in my dreams, or writing research papers.  Winning is somewhere between a practice room and the opportunities waiting for me. I have to control all things I can within reason. Charlie Sheen achieved this idea and was 100% more insane and less sober than I am. I have been my biggest critic forever. The time has come, however, when I also need to be my biggest fan.






*Not really a loss in my opinion. That show isn't the slightest bit funny. And have you seen all this business with the Angus T. Jones? All I'm saying, is if the show was cancelled, I wouldn't lose any sleep.