Girl from The Sun

It started with "Summertime Sadness." I didn't know it was a remix but I didn't care. Those lyrics and that voice; I was hooked. Lana del Rey is bringing originality to mainstream music. I love my repetitive, dirty, stupid pop music. But that stuff is like the process food of mainstream music.

Born to Die, del Rey's latest album, is good from beginning to end. Her words are like well-balanced IPA beer. It's got a hoppy bite;  raw, fresh, and a taste you can't easily get out of your mouth - nor would you want to. It is description, storytelling, and straight up wordsmithing the hell out of the English language:

My old man is a tough man. 
But he got a soul as sweet as blood red jam
And he shows me he knows me, every inch of my tar black soul 

Sweet lord, yes.

Her lyrics also remind me of some of rap's better artists. The expletives and seedy situations that feel essential rather than glib and authentic rather than contrived. Musically, she has a mix of classic rap too. Think dirty trash can drum sounds like Beastie Boys and Run DMC. And then there is an unmistakeable sound of The Western Frontier. The music of Aaron Copland would have you imagining Montana and the Dakotas... Expansive skies, rolling plains, mountains. Born to Die is deserted and reverberant. It emotes loneliness, deep, rusty colors, and long shadows of shanty towns at dusk. It's beautiful.

Lana del Rey's voice is my favorite aspect of her music. And, even though it is unique, it is reminiscent of one of my favorite singers of all time: Karen Carpenter. Lana has a chest voice that, when I close my eyes, sounds just like Carpenter. The way they slide to different notes, the way they pronounce words, the timbre too. The semblance is at times chilling. Just listen to the first five words of the album's first song also called "Born to Die." If you can't hear it, you might be crazy. Also listen to "Off to the Races" and "Video Games."

Besides her ghostly offerings, she invokes many other vocal styles: Gwen Stefani, wiry-voiced cabaret singers. And there's even something secretive and devious in a voice del Rey uses often on the album that reminds me of Marilyn Monroe singing "I Wanna Be Loved By You."

The girl has pipes and she's got the style to know how to use them.

Listen. Now.

Wait, What?

I've lived in Arkansas for a little bit over a year now. As far as football is concerned, I expected a world of change once I got here. I heard all about the SEC before I even got here: tradition was a word thrown around a lot, the rabid fandom, the intense competition. Since I've been in SEC country, the reputation preceding my arrival is still more of a fantasy than it is a reality; at least that is the case with the Razorbacks. Though, I sincerely hope Bret Bielema turns it around here. With all that said, it's safe to say I'm not going to be a diehard fan of SEC football. I respect it and I'll cheer on the Hogs. But I'm a B1G Boy. There is something I've learned here, though. Something I greatly desire as a Wolverine, as an all around supporter of the Big Ten Conference.

Consistency.

There is just something so consistent about the top dogs in the SEC. I'm not talking Razorbacks or UK Wildcats. I'm talking Bama, Missouri, Texas A&M... And I'm not even really talking about wins and losses. I'm talking performance on the field and knowing what team is going to show up. Some of the top teams of the SEC have experienced losses, upsetting ones. It's because they get out played, however.  B1G top dogs look like Pomeranians. We don't get out played, we succumb to self-induced hysteria and, dare I say, ineptitude.

Let's do a fun little connect the dots game, starting with my team. The Michigan that I watched play Notre Dame looked tough. Offensive line protected the QB. The quarter back was on point. Defensive line did a wonderful job. That's the last time during this season that I ever saw Michigan play with an offense and a defense that were on the same page. And, I say this cautiously since it seems like the picks thrown at this game were just a sample of the COSTCO sized quantity to be ordered up later in the season.

Michigan v UConn. Obvious disaster. Michigan wins in scathe and shame, only to retroactively be embarrassed when UConn is wrecked by one of college football's lowest achieving teams (Buffalo Towson). In conference play, I offer you the Michigan - Indiana game. Defense lets 47 points go by. FORTY SEVEN POINTS. Was the Defense asleep? I was asleep, literally speaking. Got made fun of for the rest of the night... On the other hand, Devin (Head Case) Gardner breaks a school record? And if you don't like the phrase "head case," I'm dying to be proved wrong. Seriously, I don't even know what I would do if I was wrong. But the fact is he's unpredictable for a reason that no one has been able to resolve.

Indiana terrified Penn State with a win, as Michigan later loses to Penn State in a battle of who could make the worst coaching decisions. Northwestern takes on TOSU* like champs for 7/8 of the football game and then makes The Nuts look like a great football team at the end. TOSU was the same "powerhouse," top 5 school that, through much labor, struggled to lay down Wisconsin.

Northwestern's loss to TOSU was all a big foreshadow to the massive failure against a team named after an animal that dies often from heart attacks (Gophers). Meanwhile, Michigan State is still watching Youtube videos to learn how to get an offensive touchdown. And as I live and breathe, trying to understand our very mixed up world, Minnesota is poised to embarrass the hell out of Nebraska - the supposed sleeping giant of the B1G.

I'm not turning on my people. I never will. I just can't take being called "The Cupcake Big Ten," with literally nothing valid to say back. It would be nice if the stars of this conference played to their potential and not their fears. Just give me some consistency. Stop playing down to the talent (or lack there of) before you. I'm rooting for you. Millions of us are. But what you're doing is not working. Take your scholarships and millions of dollars in salaries and figure this out. We look very small, very sweet, and very uninterested in sitting at the table with the big boys. If you're going to keep living up to this cupcake persona, you're going to get eaten.

*And that's why you shouldn't call yourself THE Ohio State University. It looks really stupid.